I have found in my practice when working with adults that we spend an inordinate amount of time and energy on things in life that we have little control over.  This is most certainly a coping strategy due to one of two factors.  Either because the person has lost his/her locus of control in all areas of life and so it is a last-ditch effort to hold on.  OR there is a sense that he/she could still influence the outcome of a given circumstance, regardless of how realistic or unrealistic this may be.

So what happens?  I present to my clients the following scenario:  You can continue on the path that you’ve been operating on, which seems like it is not working because you find yourself in the situation that you are in OR we can refocus the limited resource – emotional/physical energy on areas that we can actually, realistically influence.  This is often a watershed moment for many clients as it never dawned upon them that there may be another way to function.  Granted, it is “easier said than done,” but sometimes, the client is waiting for someone to say to them “You don’t have to do this or that.”  It relieves a guilt of sorts for them.

But there is another point that requires attention.  What in life we actually control.  We control very little.  Some may interpret this as a religious piece of dogma.  It may be, but it also bears mentioning irrespective of the religious component.  One doesn’t need to be religious or spiritual to acknowledge that so much of what happens on a daily basis to us has little to do with something we did or didn’t do.  The kid scraping his knee, the internet connection failing, the grocery store out of the food item you desire to make for dinner.  And the list goes on and on.

Think about it…it may bring you some comfort and security to your life, ironically.